April 2015

I volunteer to remove them with my tongue.


Call it a hunch.

Can summer vacation please hurry šŸ šŸŒŠā˜€ļø

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I don’t watch Emily Osment’s TV show but if it consisted of her showing off her tits for 30 minutes every episode I’d become a devoted fan. This sure looks like Must See TV to me.


I bet she fucks like a champion.


Ariel looks greatĀ but it’s really sad to think this guy fucked her hard on Prom night. Why wasn’t it me? Why? Oh why?


To the best of my understanding Tinder is an online app that allows people near one another to meet and fuck. I’m sure there’s a pretense of it being a “dating” site but I think we all know it’s aboutĀ people who really need to fuck someone close by.

Apparently, Hilary Duff is on TinderĀ and has begun booking “dates.” She claims she’s going bowling this week with one of her Tinder matches but I’m pretty sure that’s code for some guy is going to start sticking things in her holes.

I’m totally down with this. Hilary Duff wants to start fucking normal guys. Well Hill, there’s no one more normal than me. So find my profile, swipe right and let’s fuck. This really could be a match made in heaven.

Or my iPhone.


Hockey bores the shit out of me but Chloe Moretz loves it.Ā So that means I will also love hockey, thus proving my worth to her and showing her the type of sacrifice I’m willing to make in order to be hers forever. If that doesn’t make me the most romantic man on the planet I don’t know what does.

I’d also love to cum in Chloe’s mouth while she’s wearing a hockey jersey.

Yup, I’m a fucking romantic. No doubt about it.

Chloe Moretz-hockey

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