December 2010

I’ve seen about 10 minutes of those “High School Musical” movies and I wanted to tear the eyes out of my sockets. Except for when Vanessa was onscreen. There was just something about her that was so enchanting, so wonderful and so powerful that she just drew me in.

I think it was because she’s smoking hot.

Yeah, that’s it.

This is a chick who took naked pics of herself and sent them to her gay boyfriend when she was 18 so you know she’s a wonderful slut. That right there makes her beautiful. But she upped the ante even more this year. She showed some real acting in the vastly underrated “Bandslam” and then dumped the gay guy and announced to the world that she’s nobody’s beard and she and Rachel Bilson were going to celebrate their freedoms by 69ing in public.

OK, the last part didn’t happen but it should have. That would have made her 2010 year even hotter. As it was, she’s a tiny bundle of fuck joy whose eyes make me melt and whose body makes my cock throb with delight. The world needs more Vanessa Hudgens and I need her in my bed – preferably with a bunch of other chicks.

Congratulations to the No. 1 Babe of the Year – the lovely and effortlessly sexy Vanessa Hudgens. You earned it baby. Now come over here and fuck me.

A year ago at this time nobody over the age of 8 knew who this chick was. But Demi made sure she would change all that. She started fucking everything that moved, boys and girls, she started filming all of her sexual escapades and then closed out the year by taking pics showing off her tits to other chicks.

Oh yeah, she went to rehab too cuz she fucked it all up by doing too many drugs.

Other than that one misstep it was a banner year for Demi. She’s good friends with Miley Cyrus so you know the two of them have engaged in plenty of torrid 69s and strap-on sessions. There’s reportedly a sex tape of Demi floating around which is sure to be leaked eventually. And I’m willing to bet that unlike every other celebrity sex tape ever seen this one will actually be hot because you can just tell Demi loves to fuck.

Hopefully she’ll get out of rehab soon and resume being a hot slut. For now, though, she’ll close out the year by being awarded a celebrated place on the Undercover Babe List of the Year. I’m sure this will help ease the pain of scrubbing toilets and listening to Elton John songs or whatever shit they make people do in rehab.

What a year for Hannah Montana. She released her Inner Britney on the world by becoming a full-blown slut in music videos and in concert. She gave some gay dude a lap dance on film, showed off her lesbian chops with several oh-so-close pics, flashed her vag in concert and took a reported nude pic of herself in France.

All before she turned 18.

Wow. What a year.

Miley is just getting started. We know there’s a sex tape in her future and her bisexual desires aren’t likely to stay subdued so I fully expect to see some girl-on-girl action. Sure she’s really f’n annoying but she’s got a tight bod and loves to give it up. She is everything a teenage girl should be.

I had no idea who this girl was until I saw “Bandslam.” Then I couldn’t take my eyes off her gorgeous jugs and dynamite bod. Then when I saw Vanessa Hudgens in the same film I knew the two of them spent countless hours between and after takes fucking in their trailers. It’s what hot chicks do on movie sets. Aly had arrived and she capped her incredible ascension to Babe stardom by becoming my girlfriend this year.

So why isn’t she ranked No. 1 you ask? Simple. I want her to keep working for it. This will serve as plenty of motivation for her to do even more in 2011.

I’m always thinking, people. Always.

In what I’m sure is going to create plenty of discussion among the Duff sisters, Haylie claimed a higher spot on the list than Hilary. Why? Well, like her sister she’s living with some douche but unlike her sister she hasn’t married the idiot yet so there’s still time for her to wise up. Also, despite the fact Hilary is much hotter, Haylie’s bod is the closest thing I’ve seen to perfection. Seriously, this chick was built to fuck. Great tits. Amazing ass. Dynamite legs. I bet she’s just a bundle of fuck joy to behold.

Black chicks turn me on. Rihanna is a hot black chick. I think you can guess the rest. The fact she takes nude pics of herself and likes to fuck other girls makes her the hottest black chick currently on the planet.

Way to go, Rihanna.

Rachel’s ass makes my mouth water. She’s also bubbly and cute which makes me think she’s a tigress in the sack. Plus, she dumped the gay guy from those horrible “Star Wars” movies that she was bearding for. That leads me to think she has beauty and brains. Now if she would just wise up and start fucking me, she’d move way up this list.

Until then …

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