February 2010


I’m sure it comes as no surprise to my regular readers that the power of my love is often too strong for a single woman to bear. That’s why I prefer to share my love with as many women as possible. It’s better for them and much more fun for me.

Anyway, I learned this week that my love Hilary Duff has become engaged to some hockey twit. I’m sure she’s very happy and the pics I’ve seen of her with her face buried in his crotch would lead me to think he bought her a pretty nice engagement ring.

Good for him.

And for her too, I suppose.

But the news that Hilary is soon to be betrothed means I have to make a decision to cut her out of my lust life. It doesn’t come easily for me because I’ve been lusting after Hilary for quite awhile now and she’s become a full-blown babe. But now that she’s been tainted with the stench of another, I cannot in good conscience continue to derive pleasure from fucking her or watching her fuck other girls.

It would just be wrong.

And besides, there are other smoking hot pieces of ass out there who want me to share my love with them. So goodbye Hilary, it’s been fun and I’ll never forget the endless hours of pleasure your body gave me and the many women I’ve imagined you fucking.

Oh, and hello Olivia Munn.

I’ve avoided talking about this situation since it started because, let’s face it, what more could anyone say that wasn’t being said already? The guy was banging ho’s left and right and his wife (::coughallegedlycough::) beat him up on Thanksgiving. There really was nothing else to be said because the reality of this situation was better drama than anyone could have created.

But here’s the thing that irks me – Tiger is being treated for “sex addiction.”

What the fuck?

There is no such thing as sex addiction, people. That is one of the lamest “addictions” conjured up by this society in the past century. If you like to fuck a lot, that doesn’t mean you’re an addict. It means you’re human. This is who we are. The problem in our society isn’t that people are allegedly addicted to sex, it’s the fact so many people fight these very real and human impulses as strongly as they do.

Tiger Woods isn’t a sex addict. He’s a rich, famous man doing what rich, famous men have done ever since rich, famous men were created. He’s fucking everything that moves.

The problem isn’t that Tiger likes to fuck; the problem is Tiger’s married and likes to fuck women who aren’t his wife.

If Tiger was single, he wouldn’t be a “sex addict.” He’d be a rich, famous guy fucking as many chicks as he can. He’d be heralded as a god by some cultures and every man on the planet would be simultaneously proud, respectful and envious of his stature.

That’s just the way it is.

The problem is Tiger’s married and he’s fucking a whole lot of women who aren’t his wife. So the answer to this isn’t “sex addiction” treatment. The answer is Tiger either stops fucking women who aren’t his wife, he gets a divorce or he marries a woman who doesn’t give a shit if he fucks women he isn’t married to.

See how simple that was? And I’m not being paid six figures by a “Sex Addiction Clinic” to figure this whole thing out.

So please stop with the whole sex addiction thing. Tiger isn’t an addict. He’s simply human. The problem isn’t sex. The problem is Tiger needs to figure out whether he wants to stay married or keep fucking as many women as he wants.

He doesn’t need treatment to make that decision either.

Someone told me today the Winter Olympics are going on. Who knew? I don’t care much about the Winter Olympics. I hope the U.S. does well and all that but why would I waste my time watching hockey? It’s soccer on ice.

Boring.

Anyway, what I do like to watch is Olivia Munn and her legs. Here is a picture of Olivia showing off her legs. Her legs are so fine they deserve the gold.

If I heard the National Anthem right now, I think I’d weep.

It seems pretty damn obvious based on these pictures, wouldn’t you agree? But I got news for sweet, young Hayden – I ain’t that easy.

Nope. If she wants me, she’s gonna have to work for it. My love is like a mountain of roses, each more majestic than the last. And it shall not be given away for free.

Sleep on that, cheerleader.

I’m not sure what it is exactly. It could be her gorgeous looks, her sexy ass, her dynamite legs or her fine tits.

Let me think about this and get back to you.

She was in Miami for the Super Bowl and was spotted wearing a sexy black bikini. Suddenly, the Saints’ victory doesn’t seem all that impressive anymore.

Not too shabby Jennifer. An ass like that deserves my cock.

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