Undercover Of The Night

I’d suck on ‘em.

Nice.

No, it’s not my birthday but you can send me presents anyway. Instead, this is a birthday for every man and woman on the face of the earth. What will happen that day?

Jessica Biel will be naked.

On film.

Yes, my friends, the lovely and fine Jessica Biel will unveil all of her wonderous charms for us lucky DVD viewers courtesy of some loser film called “Powder Blue.” If you haven’t heard of it, don’t despair. I don’t even think Jessica’s family knew she made it. In the film, Jessica plays what all good girls need to play – a stripper. But unlike such ravishing goddesses like Jessica Alba, Salma Hayek or Rose McGowan, Biel actually strips in this one.

Thank God for good Hollywood writing.

So mark that day on your calendars and rush out and buy what is sure to soon be a Hollywood classic. Below are some fuzzy screen grabs from this film featuring Jessica but, unfortunately, not naked.

I’m pretty much in the dark about this whole “High School Musical” thing. I think they’re movies. I know I’ve never seen them. Apparently, Vanessa Hudgens is one of the stars of these movies. The only things I know about her are:

1. She took some naked pictures of herself which means she’s a slut and therefore my kind of girl.

2. She’s bearding for some gay kid and pretending to be his girl friend.

3. She has gorgeous legs that make my cock tingle.

No. 1 and No. 3 are outstanding. No. 2 means she’s willing to lie to get what she wants which isn’t great. But it also means she’s either single or into chicks, both of which make her very special.

Here’s a picture of Vanessa’s gorgeous legs. My cock wants to touch them.

Remember “Beverly Hills 90210?” Remember when Tiffani Amber Thiessen was a smoking hot piece of ass? Well, here she is kissing her co-star Jennie Garth. Unfortunately, the writers on that sorry show never figured out a way to incoporate this wonderful display of love into the show.

Anyway, it’s Saturday night and here’s a pic of two (relatively) famous hot chicks kissing.

Enjoy.

Don’t say I never gave you nothing.

That’s hot.

Amanda Bynes is a seriously underrated hot piece of Hollywood ass. She’s funny, cute and has a killer bod. Here’s hoping she starts getting some good roles that maximize her talent and sex appeal. Until then, here are some pics of Amanda in tight black jeans. My cock says thank you.

First Sean Penn. Now Ryan Gosling. From the Chicago Sun Times:

They’re keeping it very hush-hush, but I understand Natalie Portman is “intrigued” by Ryan Gosling, who has been actively wooing her since the couple met recently at an L.A. nightclub. Gosling has been kind of a regular DJ at the hot Bardot’s nightspot. “Natalie always has been attracted to actors and other men who are intellectuals … and Ryan qualifies,” says a BZ spy who should know. Along with continual “and very poetic” text messages, the star of “The Notebook” reportedly has been sending Portman first editions of books he thinks she’d like.

Hmmm, so Natalie likes “intellectuals.” I think I qualify. I’m not a girly pretty boy like Gosling and I’m not an annoying blowhard like Penn. I’m a man’s man intellectual. The kind who will quote Aristotle one minute while tickling Natalie’s fine ass with my tongue the next.

That’s my kind of intellectualism, Natalie. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.

According to Star magazine (I know, I know), Natalie Portman and Sean Penn were caught making out the other day. People are in shock because Penn is 48 and Portman is 27. They’re stunned because that’s a 21-year age difference. Frankly, the age difference isn’t the issue here – it’s Portman’s lousy taste in men.

Sure Penn is a talented actor but he comes across as an insufferable asshole. Why anyone would want to spend any time with the guy, much less shove their tongue in his mouth is beyond me.

Women.

As far as the age thing, who gives a shit? We’re far too repressed in this country sexually. Age is just a number. I know plenty of women in their 30s who have about as much maturity as a newborn. What’s important is whether two people connect in whatever way they want to connect – if it’s intellectually, emotionally or sexually or all of the above. Obsessing on the fact one of them is much older than the other reflects issues on the part of the observer, not any between the guy and girl involved with one another.

But seriously Natalie, Sean Penn? You couldn’t do better than Sean Penn? You don’t have to go to such great lengths to get me to notice you. I’m right here baby. Come get me.